I finally closed my drooping eyes to avoid seeing Trump’s face. I tuned out his words to halt his lies from bombarding my ears. I took a rest. I desperately needed a few moments of a Trump-free life, to live in ignorant bliss of his continually racist and destructive words and policies. I could pretend his embarrassing words were never uttered, his autocratic actions never taken. Then over time my mind calmed, my blood pressure dropped, and my entire body relaxed.
And I knew, guiltily, the entire time that it could never last. But I enjoyed the relative oblivion. It was liberating to only read headlines and walk away, to roll my eyes and shake my head and put my phone back in my purse. Freedom meant changing the news to old Star Trek reruns if the subjects had already been covered ad nauseum. I had to stop writing, and step away from all of this.
In that utopian universe of Star Trek, I could escape to the world I wish we could have here: equality, eradication of war and poverty, and no border walls between friendly worlds. Imagine that, people being treated equally no matter the color of their skin or the shape of their ears, something Trumpians would never tolerate or survive.
No matter how hard I shut my eyes, eventually I knew I must open them again. Then I did. I’m back, and I’m pissed. And Trump is still there, a looming presence of vulgarity, portending the end of America as we have known her.
Trump is not going anywhere. Despite the predictions, a mere quarter of the way through his term, that much is painfully obvious. His supporters are not abandoning him, either, and that is just painful to watch. Will they ever wake up? Probably not. They have found their false god, and they follow him unquestioningly. This is exactly what they wanted – a walking, talking shitshow.
Tomorrow night Trump will deliver his first State of the Union Address. He will stumble and ramble and deviate and bloviate, and it will sear like a knife through my eyeballs – but I will keep them wide open and keep my ears tuned in. My break was needed and deserved, but it was merely a moment of rest.
It is time for me to plug back in and to pay attention, because this is my country. It is my job, my duty, to be here fighting for her. In order to do that, I absolutely must watch and listen. But I will not feel guilty for taking a bit of time off. It can be a necessary coping mechanism in this climate, and I encourage everyone to use it as often as needed to survive. I certainly will.